Step 01 quotations

AA

Alcoholics Anonymous ('Big Book'): the contents of the book up to page 44.

Step 1: Physical craving

… we are sure that our bodies were sickened as well. In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete. The doctor’s theory that we have an allergy [abnormal reaction] to alcohol interests us. As laymen, our opinion as to its soundness may, of course, mean little. But as ex-problem drinkers, we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account. (The Doctor’s Opinion)

We believe … that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all … (The Doctor’s Opinion)

We are … positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this. (Page 22)

Step 1: Mental obsession

The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. (Page 30)

We now see that when we began to drink deliberately, instead of casually, there was little serious or effective thought during the period of premeditation of what the terrific consequences might be. (Page 37)

The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, “It won’t burn me this time, so here’s how!’’ Or perhaps he doesn’t think at all. (Page 24)

This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish. (Page 34)

Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all. I had commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come—I would drink again. They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. (Page 41)

Step 1: Alcoholism is fatal, progressive, and incurable

The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. (Page 30)

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals— usually brief—were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better. We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. (Page 30)

Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has—that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men. Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle. In two months he was in a hospital, puzzled and humiliated. He tried to regulate his drinking for a while, … Every attempt failed. … he went to pieces quickly and was dead within four years. (Page 32)

Step 1: Powerlessness entails unmanageability

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” This didn’t say we had to be in jail, ten, fifty, or one hundred times. It didn’t say I had to lose one, five, or ten jobs. It didn’t say I had to lose my family. It didn’t say I had to finally live on skid row and drink bay rum, canned heat, or lemon extract. It did say I admitted I was powerless over alcohol—that my life had become unmanageable. Most certainly I was powerless over alcohol, and for me, my life had become unmanageable. It wasn’t how far I had gone, but where I was headed. It was important to me to see what alcohol had done to me and would continue to do if I didn’t have help. (Page 354)

Alcoholics who still had their health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the garage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trend grew, they were joined by young people who were scarcely more than potential alcoholics. They were spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gone through. Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could people such as these take this Step? It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. To the doubters we could say, “Perhaps you’re not an alcoholic after all. Why don’t you try some more controlled drinking, bearing in mind meanwhile what we have told you about alcoholism?” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)

Step 1: Alcoholics are beyond human aid

When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane. These stark and ugly facts have been confirmed by legions of alcoholics throughout history. (Page 24)

He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. In the doctor’s judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. That was a great physician’s opinion. (Page 26)

Many doctors and psychiatrists agree with our conclusions. One of these men, staff member of a world-renowned hospital, recently made this statement to some of us: ‘What you say about the general hopelessness of the average alcoholic’s plight is, in my opinion, correct. As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from divine help. Had you offered yourselves as patients at this hospital, I would not have taken you, if I had been able to avoid it. People like you are too heart-breaking. Though not a religious person, I have profound respect for the spiritual approach in such cases as yours. For most cases, there is virtually no other solution. (Page 43)

If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. (Page 44)

Al-Anon

What is unmanageability?

‘Even though I didn't drink the alcohol, the disease could come through me and affect other people … I came to recognize that anything I contacted could be affected by the alcoholism coming through me.’ P. 12–13, Paths to Recovery

‘Do I say yes when I want to say no?’ ‘How have I sought approval and affirmation from others?’ ‘Do I take care of others easily, but find it difficult to take care of myself?’ P. 16, Paths to Recovery

‘Although I was tempted to check up on the number of meetings attended and to protect the alcoholic from anything upsetting, I had accepted that nothing I could do would make or break another person's sobriety.’ P. 14, , Courage to Change

How can anons take the step?

‘Not understanding that alcoholism is a disease many of us have tried to take things into our own hands.’ P. 7, Paths to Recovery

‘Admitting our powerlessness may be very difficult for us. After all, we are the competent ones who held the family, the job, or the world together while the alcoholics in our lives created chaos. How can it be that we … are powerless? … we come to understand that our lives may be unmanageable because we are trying to control the people and situations in our lives … nothing we do or don't do can control another person's drinking … We learn to keep the focus on ourselves.’ P. 9, Paths to Recovery

‘Admitting powerlessness did not mean we were totally helpless. It meant we were not responsible for everyone else in the world.’ P. 154, From Survival to Recovery

‘Giving up the power I never really had has been quite a challenge for me because I keep believing I can do it myself—and, worse, that I have to.’ P. 156, From Survival to Recovery

Step 01 at a deeper level. Our reactions:

‘Alcoholism not only exists in the body of the alcoholic but it is a disease of relationships as well … The people who are who are involved with the alcoholic react to his behavior. They try to control it make up for it or hide it. They often blame themselves for it and are hurt by it. Eventually they become emotionally disturbed themselves.’ P. 8, Paths to Recovery

‘How could I, a living, breathing human, be powerless over a bottle of alcohol? How could I admit a bottle was the winner that it could defeat me again and again?’ P. 11, Paths to Recovery

‘My reactions to other things could be the same as the ways I reacted to the drinking. I saw how I had done this not only to the alcoholic, but also to other people in my life.’ P. 13, Paths to Recovery

‘Does analyzing my situation provide any useful insights, or is it an attempt to control the uncontrollable?’ P. 285, Courage to Change

I am responsible for you:

‘Will he drink more if I stop trying to control the drinking? Will he feel I don't love him anymore if I stop questioning him about his drinking? Will he think I have lost interest in him and that I may be attracted to someone else? Will he spend more money on alcohol?’ P. 10, Paths to Recovery

‘Even though I was completely convinced that I hadn't caused his inappropriate behavior, I still had an overwhelming desire to control or cure what was happening.’ P. 14, Paths to Recovery

‘When the drinking seem to get worse instead of better, once again I thought I had done something wrong.’ P. 32, Courage to Change

I am not responsible for me:

‘We may have hidden our feelings, isolated, and avoided contact with the alcoholic thinking of problems would go away.’ P. 7, Paths to Recovery

‘I finally realized my life had become unmanageable because I was so busy taking care of others that I had no time to take care of me.’ P. 13, Paths to recovery

You are not responsible for you:

‘We may have taken over the alcoholics unfinished projects, answered phone calls, or covered his or her mistakes.’ P. 7-8, Paths to Recovery

You are responsible for me:

‘If you loved me you would never drink again.’ P. 10, Paths to Recovery

Taking step 1:

‘Letting go of the illusion of control over other people, their actions, and their addiction to alcohol’ P. 9, Paths to Recovery

‘Accepting this step didn't mean a weakness of character. It meant honestly admitting there are things we can't change.’ P. 11-12, Paths to Recovery

‘It's not easy to watch someone I love continue to drink, but I can do nothing to stop them.’ P. 74, Courage to Change

S-Anon

‘We acknowledged we could not control the sexaholic or his/her sexual behaviour and our attempts to do so made our own lives unmanageable.’

‘We learned that our human will alone could not break the bonds of compulsive behaviour either in ourselves or others.’

'Sobriety is not taking others peoples inventories and deciding what they should or should not do in their lives.'

Working the S-Anon Program

‘It was not our responsibility to keep the sexaholic sexually sober. We learned it was our job to manage our own lives, whether or not the sexaholic chooses recovery.’

‘I am powerless over sexaholism, and my life becomes unmanageable when I try to manage the lives of others.’

‘We, too, are suffering from an illness, one that can drive us to unconsciously seek out rejection, victimisation and heartache.’

‘We were able to admit that there was something wrong in our homes and our relationships. We could no longer try to right those wrongs ourselves, so we came for help.’

‘Our human will power cannot break the bonds of compulsive behaviour, but our admission of powerlessness lays a firm foundation upon which to build our lives.’

‘I painfully began to see how I created unmanageability when I tried to control my wife, my bosses at work, the mortgage, our finances, my children’s behaviour—all things over which I had no control. I saw how I took responsibility for things that I had no responsibility for, and, in turn, abdicated the role that truly was mine with those people and things.’

‘I was a master at pointing out flaws and pitfalls, pointing a massive finger at the problems of life and others in my life, yet never seeing my responsibility in these problems, too.’

‘Some of the problems I encountered included missing time from college and graduate school and not completing my assignments and job tasks. This was due to my preoccupation with the relationship and being distracted by problems the relationship created...I became involved in their projects and lives, while losing myself and my life. I bought and wore clothes solely to please them. I wasted hours of time sitting in my parked car waiting for him to come out of “her” apartment. I was fired from two jobs due to my preoccupation. In each relationship I put myself at risk of catching a life-threatening disease, but I ignored the fact and put my head in the sand.’

‘My own “acting out” really started to pick up. I went through his wallet, his car, and checked up on things.’

‘I continued to focus so much on his sexaholic behaviour that I couldn’t pay as much attention to my children as I should have.’

‘I don’t’ think I ever felt responsible for my husband’s acting out, but I did feel that I was capable of curing and fixing it.’

‘In S-Anon we come to realise that, just as we did not cause the sexaholic’s acting’s out , we can not cure it either. We learnt we it is not our responsibility to keep the sexaholic sober.'

'Though working the S-Anon program many of us have overcome powerful emotional feelings which are not ours to carry.'

'It helped to learn that the sexaholic is suffering from a spiritual and emotional illness, and it helped to learn that we can lovingly detach from that illness. Most of all, it helped to learn that we, too, are suffering from an illness, one that can drive us to unconsciously seek out rejection victimisation and heartache.'

Twelve Steps of S-Anon

‘Despite what I am learning in S-Anon, I find myself still sustaining relationships with them, wanting to fix their problems. It is as though I pick people with problems that resemble my mother’s addiction problems. I set myself up as their caretaker and “fixer”.’

‘My sponsor has said I am just as powerless over my caretaking, fixing and attraction to addicts as the sexaholic is over lust.’

‘I am powerless over my continued insistence that other people, place and situations are my only sources of love and indications of my worth.’

‘In living with sexaholism, I found myself sacrificing what I wanted out of life and feeling resentful about it. I would recommit myself to the relationship, accepting it as a challenge to hang in there and try harder. Nothing changed, and each time I felt a sense of loss, sadness and abandonment.’

‘When my sexaholic husband criticised my appearance, saying how disappointed he was with my body, I wanted to shrivel up and die. I tried all kinds of things to make myself look different … so I could stop his cruel words to me.’

‘I always thought that if I read a book or took a class on a subject, I could learn enough to tackle any task or solve any problem. I lived under this illusion for 43 years until I discovered my wife’s sexaholism. I read every book, went to seminars and talked to experts, yet I only felt more and more crazy.’

‘I had only three questions when I first came to S-Anon. What if … ?, If only … ? And Why … ? … Then my sponsor said, “A more important question to ask yourself is, “Why am I reacting to his actions?”’

‘I saw that I had given nearly everything of myself away and, because of this, I was spiritually and physically empty.’

'First I remind myself that I am powerless over my continued insistence that other people places or situations are my only source of love and an indication of my worth.'

'In living with sexaholism I found myself sacrificing what I wanted out of life and feeling resentful about it.'

'I learned that admitting I was powerless over sexaholism was not an admission of failure but the beginning of recovery.'

'At some point I realised that I could not manage taking care of other people, my marriage, spouse, children, and home and take care of myself at the same time. I got my S-Anon bottom.'

'I was so consumed with hoping the sexaholic would be someone different then he was I lost awareness of who I was. I felt powerless to be anywhere or do anything else.'

'I saw that I had given nearly all of myself away and because of this I was spiritually and physically empty.'

‘I also have an addiction: I am addicted to the sexaholic and the drama of the relationship.'

Reflections of Hope