Step 01

Step 01

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

The diagnosis of alcoholics:

When we start drinking, we cannot control the amount (= 'physical craving').

When a drinking bout starts, it may never stop or could be fatal, so there is no such thing as a safe slip.

When we stop, we eventually start again (= 'mental obsession': the persistently recurring and overpowering idea that 'somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker').

These three elements constitute powerlessness.

The prognosis for alcoholics:

This condition is fatal, progressive, and incurable.

The treatment for alcoholism:

A spiritual awakening, acquired swiftly by taking the Twelve Steps vigorously.

What is unmanageability?

Being in the grip of a fatal progression. This may or may not be accompanied by internal and external problems.

These ideas hold true (with some minor adjustments) for drug addicts, food addicts, sex addicts, etc.

How can anons take this step?

I am as powerless over someone else's drinking as they are.

I did not cause it. I cannot control it. I cannot cure it. (3 'C's)

... even with management, mothering, martyrdom, and manipulation. (4 'M's)

If they're not able to stop or moderate, they're not in control of their life: the addiction is.

If their life affects mine, my life is unmanageable, too.

Step One at a deeper level

What distinguishes an anon from an ordinary person is the response to the alcoholic. We respond unhealthily and become part of the problem.

This unhealthy response takes many forms, some of which are listed below. We could increase this list ad infinitum.

If we find we cannot stop these patterns, we are powerless, too, over our reaction to the alcoholic.

If we're powerless over our reaction, we are not in control of our lives, and our lives are unmanageable.

Even decades after the alcoholic leaves our life, the patterns remain.

Examples of unhealthy patterns

'I am responsible for you'

For example: bulldozing, controlling, manipulating, managing, nagging

'I am not responsible for me'

For example: self-neglect, denying responsibility for one's own actions, not setting boundaries, staying when we should leave

'You are not responsible for you'

For example: rescuing, mothering, caretaking, cleaning up the alcoholic's messes, making excuses for the alcoholic, not holding the alcoholic accountable, fostering dependence

'You are responsible for me'

For example: blame, seeking a rescuer, creating situations that necessitate rescue

Getting a kick out of the alcoholic

As crazy as it seems, we can get addicted to the alcoholic, to the drama, to the excitement, and to the roller-coaster of emotions. The 'mental obsession' tricks us into engaging. The 'physical craving' keeps us engaged. These two forms of powerlessness make our lives unmanageable: we're not in control of the patterns; we're the played not the player.

Closing remarks

When I can admit I'm powerless and my life is unmanageable, I have two options: 'One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.' If I go for option 2, I am ready for Step Two.