Step Four First 3 Columns
Inventory
What am I really searching for in my life? … One good way is to take a really searching inventory and examine my motives. I need to understand why I do what I do and say what I say. This will help me realize the kind of person I really am and give me constructive ideas for improving what I don’t like about myself. ODAT 101
… as we worked on Step Four most of us began to see that we were neither the worst people not the best, but somewhere in between, with the rest of the human race. We also found that taking the Step shed light upon aspects of our characters that may have been blocking our spiritual growth. Working the S-Anon Program 55
The key to Step Four is that it be taken fearlessly, free from judgment. Working the S-Anon Program 51
All of these Steps, including the Fourth, are means of positive change. They are not intended to create guilt or diminish an already damaged self-image. To the contrary, they allow us to observe ourselves as we are, see through our illusions, take care of unresolved issues from the past, make conscious choices here and now, and recognize where to turn for strength, support, and guidance. How Al-Anon Works 52
I couldn’t for the life of me see what that [Step Four] had to do with his alcoholism … Things at home had gotten much worse financially … I listened to the tone of my own voice and said to myself, ‘We have a whole lot of resentment!’ And a whole lot of fear and rage and martyrdom and sarcasm and impatience. That was the beginning of a sometimes intimidating but always exciting adventure of self-discovery. Working the S-Anon Program 329
Self-honesty is not looking in the mirror to see what the world sees. Self-honesty is a commitment to the truth about my feelings and what is actually going on in my life. Reflections of Hope 19
Taking an inventory helped me work though my shame and anger. Reflections of Hope 117
While working Step Four, I started to see my part in creating an unsafe environment for myself by not setting healthy boundaries. Reflections of Hope 139
Step Four is an action step. We do something concrete to continue our process of personal growth by looking at ourselves truthfully. S-Anon Twelve Steps 39
This process is not so much self-analysis as self-examination. S-Anon Twelve Steps 39
An inventory is usually a method of counting items to find what is on hand and what is missing. Step Four is similar except that we take stock of assets and character defects. S-Anon Twelve Steps 39
Believing in the steps gave me hope, working them gave me the promised results. S-Anon Twelve Steps 48
Step Four challenges us to take a thorough look at ourselves, the positives as well as the negatives. Paths to Recovery 38
This is where we begin to learn that it is important to write out this Step … We can begin by writing about the events and people we resent or distrust. Writing becomes important because few of us can remember the many incidents and people that affected us. Writing also helps us to step back and gain a little detachment before we explore our behaviour and the characteristics it reveals about us. Paths to Recovery 38–9
Working Step Four is an act of self-love, for it helps us take the focus off the alcoholic and encourages us to take time to pay attention to ourselves—the only person we can help. Paths to Recovery 43
People compare doing the Fourth Step to opening the door of a closet that has been locked for a long time or looking into a mirror that I've been avoiding. They suggested it was helpful to have a trusted sponsor or other programme people to depend on while I went through this process. Paths to Recovery 43
The programme suggested merely taking stock and conducting an inventory, instead of labeling my characteristics as good or bad. Paths to Recovery 44
To the extent that I was honest, my life improved every time I did an inventory … I thought if I did a perfect inventory, I would never have to do another one again. Paths to Recovery 45
Resentment
It is only by taking offense at what others do that I will be afflicted with resentment. ODAT 21
The great danger of admitting resentment into our minds and hearts is that it often leads to retaliation. We feel justified in ‘evening the score’ and paying others back for what they have done to us. ODAT 149
I have no room for resentment in my new Al-Anon way of life. I will not fight it with grim determination but will reason it out of existence by calmly uncovering its cause. ODAT 154
If a sharp thorn or a splinter pierces my hand, what do I do? I remove it as quickly as I can. Surely I wouldn’t leave it there, hurting me, until it festered and sent its infection throughout my body. Yet what do I do with the thorns of resentment and hatred when they pierce my thoughts? Do I leave them there and watch them grow, while I suffer increasingly from the pain? ODAT 235
I will not clutter up my thoughts with resentments; it would not profit me but, worse, it would hurt me. ODAT 266
Resentment will do nothing except tear us apart inside. No one ever found serenity through hatred. No one ever truly recovered from the effects of alcoholism by harbouring anger or fear, or by holding on to grudges. Hostility keeps us tied to the abuses of the past. Working the S-Anon Program 85
I found holding on the resentment makes me sick with bitterness. Reflections of Hope 102
An expectation is a premeditated resentment. Reflections of Hope 130
Indirect communication resulted in terrible resentment when others don’t get it. In S-Anon I am learning a better way. Reflections of Hope 278
Do I harbour grudges? … Whom do I resent from my past? … Whom do I resent in my immediate environment? … Do I resent authority figures? … Do I resent places or things? Paths to Recovery 51
Judgements
Isn’t it exasperating to go to the grocery store for an item, only to find the shelf empty? … A Fourth Step inventory illuminates my own empty spaces, my shortcomings. This doesn’t have to be a painful experience. I don’t have to pass judgment on an empty shelf, but unless I take the time to become aware of it, I won’t do anything to fill it, and the problem will continue. Courage to Change 55
She spoke of wanting to stop being so judgmental of the sexaholic and others in her family. She shared about her surrendering her critical and judgmental attitude to G-d and how G-d was replacing that attitude with a spirit of compassion and cooperation. Reflections of Hope 140
Lovingly we are told to approach Step Four with self-love, kindness, honesty, and balance. Paths to Recovery 38
When do I judge other people harshly and resent their not doing what I think they should? Paths to Recovery 51
Spiritual Disease
If we trust in our Higher Power and the guidance of our Sponsor, these issues will be dealt with in a loving way as we continue to work the Al-Anon programme of recovery. Paths to Recovery 51
Anger/Hurt/Threatened
Nothing has the power to hurt my feelings and stir up unwholesome emotions in me unless I allow it.
I would furiously spew venom on those around me, but on the inside I was feeling less than and increasingly insane. Sadly, this cycle only brought more shame to my already diminished self. In S-Anon I discovered that I don’t have to berate someone else to feel better about myself. Reflections of Hope 73
I learned I needed to be honest, open, and willing in order to discover who I really am. Honesty would keep me from excusing my character defects or behaviour. I couldn't justify what I did because ‘they deserved it for what they did to me.’ … I needed to be open-minded and non-judgmental about examining my life. Step for wasn't the time for self-hatred or intense self-criticism. Paths to Recovery 44
It wasn't appropriate to minimize my behaviours by saying they weren't that bad. Nor was it appropriate to maximize my situation by saying it was the worst ever. An open mind helped me put my life and problems in their true perspective. Paths to Recovery 44
Second Column—Fact-Finding
All of us are hampered to some degree by our need to justify our actions and words. ODAT 101
A deeply rooted habit of self-justification may tempt me to explain away each fault as I uncover it. ODAT 170
I will guard against self-justification and self-righteousness. I am well aware how easy it is to make excuses for myself, and to blame my misfortune on others, and particularly on the alcoholic. ODAT 171
We are eager to justify ourselves, explaining what he or she did that was so shocking, so inexcusable! ODAT 295
The only way we can take this step thoroughly, searchingly, is to resist the desire to justify and excuse what we uncover. Courage to Change 158
Third Column
It is often said at meetings that the words rationalisation and justification can become our best friends and our worst enemies. We may discover that we have blamed all our difficulties on the alcoholic and excused ourselves with rationalisations … Self-righteous justification is no longer an acceptable excuse. Paths to Recovery 42
It helped for me to consider the part that I played in my difficulties. Paths to Recovery 44
I have been able to take a Fourth Step and see the things I did to others rather than dwell on what others did to me. From Survival to Recovery 188
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