Bridge passage / forgiveness
Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty
True honesty comes only when I concentrate on myself. Reflections of Hope 354
Though working the Fourth and Fifth Steps, I became aware that I am capable of hurting others. Reflections of Hope 360
When I did share the truth about myself with my Higher Power, I finally started to have a real relationship with G-d. It was a turning point for me. Reflections of Hope 365
We may find deep resentment inside for the sexaholic and all we have been though; however, as we look at our own resentful behaviour, we begin to see that resentment isn’t any better than lusting. S-Anon Twelve Steps 40
Most of all, I learned I needed to be honest, open, and willing in order to discover who I really am. Honesty would keep me from excusing my character defects or behaviour. I couldn’t justify what I did because ‘they deserved it for what they did to me.’ … I needed to be open-minded and non-judgemental about examining my life. Paths to Recovery 44
I thought if I did a perfect inventory, I would never have to do another one again. I would know exactly and completely who I was and am … But it didn’t happen … it wasn’t that I didn’t do my inventory correctly the first time. That’s just how my recovery worked. Paths to Recovery 45
Drop the demand
Today forgiveness means accepting the reality of what has happened, and then choosing to let go of the hurt and pain. Reflections of Hope 102
For example, generally when I became afraid, I tried to control others—especially my sexaholic spouse—expecting then to rescue me. S-Anon Twelve Steps 44
Self-righteous justification is no longer an acceptable excuse. Paths to Recovery 42
Upset comes from our attitude
When I am pained by anything that happens outside of myself, it is not that thing which hurts me, but the way I think and feel about it. ODAT 7
Nothing has the power to hurt my feelings and stir up unwholesome emotions in me unless I allow it. ODAT 21
Living with an alcoholic distorted my thinking in many ways, but particularly in one: I blamed all my problems on The Bottle. Now I am learning in Al-Anon to look squarely at each difficulty, not seeking whom to ‘blame’ but to discover how my attitude helped to create my problem or aggravate it. ODAT 78
We see such miraculous changes in people who came as newcomers filled with self-pity and resentment and beset with fears. There may not even have been any improvement in their alcoholic situation at home, but what they learn in Al-Anon makes a tremendous difference in their own outlook. ODAT 94
Difficult as it is, our own progress must begin with correcting our attitudes towards the alcoholic when he or she is in the acute stages of the illness.
In short, what the Al-Anon programme does for us … is to help us change the way we look at our family problems. ODAT 251
By coming to Al-Anon, I learned that my thoughts and attitudes were the main source of my problems. How Al-Anon Works 178
… the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got
No amount of self-discipline can heal us of resentment. Sometimes it seems the more we struggle against it, the more it sneaks up on us, surging like a dark sickness into the mind, plunging our emotions into turmoil. ODAT 154
Today we know that the kind of day we have depends on our own attitudes. How Al-Anon Works 76
We need to admit that the disturbing habit or attitude is a part of us. We need to acknowledge our feelings and perceptions as they are, and we also need to cultivate the willingness to change. How Al-Anon Works 77
Be rid of resentment
By working with my sponsor, I started to find a different way to deal with resentments. First, I had to stop sweeping my pain under the rug. Then I learned to stop lying and saying I forgive my spouse, while still raging inside. My sponsor suggested that walking through the pain would eventually help me see the grace was about. The healing I needed and wanted was a process directed by my Higher Power. Reflections of Hope 102
Am I not ill when I allow anger to destroy my poise and peace of mind? ODAT 69
One evening at a meeting there seemed to be an unusual number of complaints … this sounds as though some of us were childishly expecting life to be entirely free of problems. ODAT 298
Free of anger
The great danger of admitting resentment into our minds and hearts is that it often leads to retaliation. ODAT 149
Look at it from a different angle
How can I logically punish someone for what he or she did to me when I cannot fathom intentions or motives? Perhaps the hurt was not intended; perhaps we were over-sensitive. ODAT 149
Contentment comes from accepting gratefully the good that comes to us, and not from raging at life because it is not better. ODAT 242
Step Four wasn’t the time for self-hatred or intense self-criticism. The programme suggested merely taking stock and conducting an inventory, instead of labelling my characteristics as good or bad. It wasn’t appropriate to minimize my behaviours by saying they weren’t that bad. Nor was it appropriate to maximize my situation by saying it was the worst ever. An open mind helped me put my life and problems in their true perspective. It helped for me to consider the part that I played in my difficulties. I needed to look at those things that might have kept me stuck. Paths to Recovery 44
Changing my attitude has allowed love to flood in from everywhere. It is a great way to live - far better than anything I had ever thought possible. From Survival to Recovery 138
Show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience
We expect more of the alcoholic than a sick, confused human can deliver. Once he is sober, we expect a complete transformation. ODAT 242
Why shouldn’t I have compassion for him and his illness when I am so ready to feel sorry for people who have other diseases? ODAT 3
People who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick
I was not really better or worse than other human beings. Working the S-Anon Programme 43
I was spiritually sick, too
I found that I was, after all, just a person on a journey—that has made a tremendous difference in my recovery and my life. S-Anon Twelve Steps 44
Additionally we acquired an awareness of how we contributed to the disease throughout actions. Paths to Recovery 41
Sick man prayer
At times I felt overwhelmed with shame and painful feelings, but I’m grateful to my Higher Power for giving me the courage to face feelings and move on. S-Anon Twelve Steps 44
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