Self-centered fear
I became afraid of intimacy, fearing I would be abandoned. Reflections of Hope 35
There are times that I am not parenting but acting out my own fears though controlling others. Reflections of Hope 3
For as long as I can remember, I have sought the approval of others; sometimes out of fear … Reflections of Hope 24
Change frightens me. I am afraid to trust the sexaholic. I am afraid to open my heart to him again … I am afraid to forgive him … Reflections of Hope 86
What a challenge it had been for me to face my fears. I used to act as if I had no part in the situation or that I was a victim of my circumstances. Refusing to face my fears left me lonely and isolated. Reflections of Hope 109
I fear the challenges that I must face if I am honest with myself. Reflections of Hope 136
Fear of losing something I have
Even long after sobriety, do I not occasionally wonder whether it will last? Does unexpected lateness make me suspicious that ‘something’s going on?’ ODAT 52
Doubts and fears that the sober alcoholic may not keep his sobriety are contrary to the Al-Anon way of thinking. ODAT 73
I knew it was important for my daughter to have time with her father, yet I had a lot of fear about the effects of my soon-to-be ex-husband’s sexaholism on her. Reflections of Hope 3
Fear of not getting something I want
‘What if he doesn’t come home?’ – ‘What if she doesn’t take care of the children while I’m at work?’ – ‘What if he spends all his pay on liquor?’ – ‘What if’ … anything our desperate imaginings can project. ODAT 193
Solution to fear
Mental sobriety is a state of reasonableness, rational judgment, balance. ODAT 52
I will carefully guard my own mental sobriety. This gift from my Higher Power will express itself in a quiet, reasonable attitude, regardless of what happens. ODAT 73
What if … Granted these things can happen, but when they don’t, we have put ourselves through needless suffering and made ourselves even less prepared to deal with them if they should come. ODAT 193
In Al-Anon, the answer to ‘What if …?’ is ‘Don’t project! Don’t imagine the worst; deal with your problems as they arise. Live one day at a time.’ I cannot do anything about things that haven’t happened; I will not let past experiences make me dread the unknown future. ODAT 193
Just for today, I will not be afraid of anything … What happened yesterday need not trouble me today … I will not so readily entertain fears of what might happen tomorrow. ODAT 328
We couldn’t have imagined when we first came to S-Anon that our lives would one day be filled with joy. Serenity and peace. Reflections of Hope 7
If someone is not happy with something I have said or hone, rather than reacting by trying to fix their feelings out of fear of losing approval, I ask myself can I accept myself as I am? What is G-d’s will for me? … Reflections of Hope 24
I am learning to trust myself to rise to the occasion as a problem presents itself. I will have the resources when I need them. I don’t have to control the outcomes but can learn to trust the process. This allows me to be less afraid … Reflections of Hope 109
Now I have tools I can use to face my fears. For example I take pen to paper at the end of the day and write about my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Reflections of Hope 109
I still experience fear at times, but I have tools today to face the fears Reflections of Hope 109
We can trust G-d to do what we cannot do for ourselves. Trust is an ingredient of believing, and to believe is to actively pursue the thing hoped for. Reflections of Hope 225
Demands
Nor do we demand, treating our needs as all-important. How Al-Anon Works 57
In my desperation to fill myself up with the love and companionship that every human needs, I demanded more than any one person was capable of giving. How Al-Anon Works 272
Before coming to Al-Anon, I spent most of my life having expectations of, and making demands on, everyone around me. Anyone who didn’t follow through on these demands invited my wrath. Hope For Today
Sometimes fear made letting go of our rigid ideas especially difficult. Yet we found truth in the saying nothing changes if nothing changes. Reflections of Hope 86
Playing G-d
I can remember feeling exhausted when I was trying to manage everything and everyone in my life. I stopped feeling exhausted when I learned to stop ‘playing G-d’. How Al-Anon Works 244
Self-reliance failed
We know that our old self-reliance and determination have let us down again and again. It only makes sense to try another way. How Al-Anon Works 49
Mistaking ourselves for the role
We see ourselves as helpless victims and fail to recognise that we have volunteered for that role by choosing to believe wholeheartedly in what we knew from experience would probably not happen. How Al-Anon Works 29
Friends and family play a wide variety of supporting roles in the family disease, all of which attempt to control the uncontrollable disease of alcoholism. How Al-Anon Works 31
All of these supporting roles work together to maintain a balance in which the alcoholic can continue to play his or her role with as little discomfort as possible. How Al-Anon Works 32
Depending on our creator
We are in a partnership with a Power greater than ourselves. Our role in this partnership is to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all, and to become willing to let go of all that stands in the way of our health and growth. No other action is required. The rest is up to a Power greater than ourselves. How Al-Anon Works 55
Our strength lies in accepting our role in our relationship with G-d and trusting that a Higher Power will play a significant role as well. How Al-Anon Works 56
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