Page 67
'Cause me to have all the honesty, open-mindedness, willingness I may need here and now. I ask for the guidance, love, and wisdom that I need to work through this process and gain the most I can at this time. I am as willing as I can be to set aside everything I even think I know about this area, this way of life, so that my chances for an open mind and to be teachable are better, so that I may realise Your Three Spiritual Gifts: awakening to You, to be the love I am, and to be the individual You created me as. Thank You.'
Notice that the word “fear” is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.
- 'The chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear—primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone.' (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions)
- Fear, therefore, comes from demands.
- Demands come from playing God.
- Playing God is wanting something other than God's will.
- Playing God is wanting the universe to suit us rather than fitting ourselves to be of maximum service to God and others (page 77, Alcoholics Anonymous).
We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them.
- Make a list of fears.
- Start by extracting the fears from the page 67 questions.
- Then brainstorm to complete the list.
- With each one, find out what is behind the fear to get to the core fear.
- E.g.
- If you're scared of losing a job, why? Fear of: poverty, loss of status, failure, loss of identity.
- If you're scared of old age, why? Fear of death, loss of identity, physical pain.
- If you're scared of losing a relationship, why? Fear of failure, ridicule, loneliness, emotional pain.
- Once you've got down to your experience of what you're frightened of, you've found or are pretty close to finding the core fear.
- A list of typical core fears:
- Loneliness / disconnection / separation
- Loss of identity
- Worthlessness
- Powerlessness
- Physical pain
- Emotional pain
- The state of fear itself
- Guilt
- Shame
- Freedom
- Choice.
- Try to summarise this with a short list of core fears that explain the rest.
We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn’t go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn’t fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.
- Self is the identity in the world we build for ourselves plus the life that reflects it.
- This is in contrast to who and what God wants us to be in order to achieve God's purpose.
- This identity forms the basis for the ego's blueprint for our lives.
- The problem is that the laws of physics (including chaos), other people, our own inadequacy, and numerous other factors confound our plans.
- What we build almost never looks like the blueprint.
- And even if our plans come true, everything material eventually crumbles: the human body, companies, houses, empires ...
- So we're unhappy about what was and what is.
- And we're frightened about what will be.
- Fear is a sign I'm seeking
- Identity in what is changeable
- Purpose in what is uncertain
- Safety in what is unsafe.
- So relying on self, the identity and the life that reflects it, fails.
- How does it fail?
- It produces misery internally and often chaos externally.
Perhaps there is a better way—we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
- We're in the world, not of the world.
- We've been sent here, disguised as human beings made of flesh.
- We're here to play roles:
- Father, mother, son, daughter
- Teacher, student
- Worker, employee, employer, colleague, client
- Customer, member of the public
- Member of a community, member of society
- And a thousand thousand other roles
- But we've mistaken ourselves for the roles.
- So the fate of the role becomes our fate.
- If the job goes well, if the kid does well, if the train is on time, we're fine.
- If the job goes badly, if the kid does badly, if the train is late, we're not.
- The solution is not to lose the roles.
- The solution is to remember we're actors whilst playing the roles.
- Actors are fine whatever happens to the role.
- Ask anyone who has played Macbeth or Hamlet how he's doing after the play is done.
- He's fine. He's having a great time!
- Ask Macbeth or Hamlet how they're doing: not so good.
- So all we have to do is play the part ...
- ... = doing 'the next right thing' / ' the next indicated action'.
- And rely on God for:
- Identity = we are spirit, not the characters we are playing
- Purpose = to do God's will, not to achieve the characters' aims
- Safety = as spirit we cannot be harmed and will exist for eternity.
- Although we feel what the characters feel (that's part of the deal) ...
- ... we're fundamentally OK in the same way that theatre-goers are OK watching even a harrowing play.
- God's purpose cannot be discerned by the characters ...
- ... the characters in Macbeth don't know they're in a play.
- It can be discerned a little by the actors.
- But only God, the playwright, is 100% sure.
- So if you can't work out the purpose, it's fine!
- Trusting God means it's OK just to do the next right thing and not understand why.
- 'The growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.' (George Eliot)
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.
- Anything we achieve flows from God working through us.
- The instructions for when fear arises:
- We ask God to remove our fear ...
- ... and direct our attention to what He would have us be.
- Promise: at once we commence to outgrow fear.
Annex 1: An exercise to practise the solution to fear
Page 68 of the Big Book: 'Perhaps there is a better way—we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. We never apologise to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologise for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.'
The highlighted passages are the solution to fear. This is how to apply the solution:
We are in the world to play the role He assigns | ... do as we think He would have us | what He would have us be | |
Fear | What is my role? | What would God have me do? | What would God have me be? |
Example: Handling my elderly mother's finances | Example: Custodian of my mother's finances on behalf of God. | Example: Stay on top of the information Respond promptly to opportunities and threats Act strategically Pause before reacting Ask for help where necessary Consult where necessary Remain detached Don't panic Trust God Trust the others involved Remember that every problem has a solution Remember that God is in charge | Example: Balanced Patient Cheerful Relaxed |
Apply this to a handful of areas, the main roles in your life. If you like, apply this to all areas of your life.
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