Fifth Step
My Fifth Step … was the most cathartic, the most cleansing experience I had ever had in my life. How Al-Anon Works 313
When we take Step Five and share what we have learned with another person as well as with our Higher Power, we demonstrate a willingness to change. In All Our Affairs 119
Step Five gives us permission to talk about things in a healthier manner, rather than make ourselves martyrs to anyone who comes along. Paths to Recovery 53
The defences we learned served us well in alcoholic and other unhealthy situations, but now they keep us from living happily and serenely. We can acknowledge these defences without condemning ourselves for using them. Paths to Recovery 56
For the first time that I could remember, I felt I was truly a human being. It took my Fifth Step to really show me I was not from another planet, but someone who belongs on Earth, at one with humanity. If I had not risked admitting my characteristics to another human being, I would not have healed an important part of my life—my relationship to other people. From Survival to Recovery 193
I prayed for willingness to do my Fifth Step. Reflections of Hope 153
Admitted
Admitting my faults to myself, to God, and another human being, as suggested by the Fifth of the Twelve Steps, will give me a glimpse of the wonderful person I could be. ODAT 101
We acknowledge our faults in order to bring energy and commitment to our resolve to change our lives for the better. Discovering Choices 169
First, we admit what we have learned to the God of our understanding. The purpose of this admission is to ‘come clean’ before God, to allow ourselves to be exactly who we are within this vitally important spiritual relationship. How Al-Anon Works 53
Admitting these things to G-d was also the beginning of receiving forgiveness and the ability to forgive others. S-Anon Twelve Steps 51
Sharing my inventory with my sponsor in the Fifth Step gave me the opportunity to admit my faults and allow another person to see me as I really am. Reflections of Hope 150
Exact nature
We try to identify ‘the exact nature of our wrongs’, the motives or patterns behind these shortcomings, recognising that many of our past errors were merely symptoms of an underlying problem or weakness of character. How Al-Anon Works 54
At first, we were tempted to think the sexaholic had all the character defects in the family, but, as we opened our hearts to our Higher Power, we began to see we could not continue to justify our hostile feelings about ourselves and others. S-Anon Twelve Steps 51
Blame
Step Five sharpens our focus on ourselves. We put aside the illusion that we have done no wrong. We recognise that we’ve played a role in creating our current life situation. We let go of blaming the alcoholic for all of our troubles. We cease to be a victim of life when we begin to take responsibility for what we have done and admit to ourselves ‘the exact nature of our wrongs’. Discovering Choices 169
We take responsibility for ourselves. We avoid the temptation to justify our behaviours and attitudes, blame others, or excuse our past wrongs. How Al-Anon Works 53
We may be tempted to condemn ourselves for the difficulties we have caused. It is important to remember to love ourselves unconditionally, just as our Higher Power does. Paths to Recovery 54
Fearlessness
We fear that our wrongs are worse than anyone else’s and that we would be humiliated if we ever admitted them to another human being … But if we can summon the courage to challenge these fears and can go ahead and take Step Five in spite of them, we take a huge stride toward personal freedom. How Al-Anon Works 53
It was one thing to get the courage needed to list our deeds and misdeeds, our fears and resentments, on a piece of paper; quite another to reveal them to another person. Paths to Recovery 53
We may be filled with anxiety and fear as we approach this task, but we have faith that it is necessary for our recovery. Paths to Recovery 54
We were afraid of what we would find, afraid that shedding light on ourselves would uncover so many shortcomings that we could not bear the truth about ourselves. S-Anon Twelve Steps 47
Sin/guilt
Most of us are astonished to discover that we are the only ones who judge ourselves and our wrongs harshly. How Al-Anon Works 53
What I learned from the Fifth Step is that the shame and judgement that had hampered me for so many years were not necessarily part of life, but acceptance and accountability were. How Al-Anon Works 313
In my Fifth Step I was able to admit the shame I felt about my family life and how my current relationships have been affected. Reflections of Hope 232
Honesty
This self-honesty (Step Four) prepared me to become honest with my Higher Power and another human being. How Al-Anon Works 209
It (Step Five) was the first time I had ever been really honest with myself. How Al-Anon Works 313
I need the courage to complete the Step by confiding my faults to another trusted human being. Such acknowledgment requires both humility and honesty. ODAT 171
Step Five requires honesty with ourselves and others. Paths to Recovery 53
I had spent a lifetime concealing my behaviour … I had to take a quantum leap into adulthood by moving beyond a child-victim role that I had played for so long. Paths to Recovery 59
It is vital to be as honest as we can through all stages of Step Five. Asking our Higher Power for help before we begin to share may be helpful. Paths to Recovery 55
It is hard to look at ourselves and admit we are often wrong. S-Anon Twelve Steps 52
By sharing my Fifth Step with my sponsor, I was able to finally be freed from the lies. It was painful to admit the truth about my behaviour of minimising and denying the sexaholic’s behaviour. Reflections of Hope 65
As I connected at deeper levels, with my Higher Powers love for me, I feel a greater ability to be honest. Reflections of Hope 150
Who to share with
It is helpful to have a sponsor or a close friend who will be supportive and respect the confidentiality of what we say without being judgemental. Discovering Choices 169
It’s important to choose someone who understands this Step, someone who is supportive, loving, and compassionate and who will listen without judging or condemning … Many of us work this Step with our Sponsor or another trusted Al-Anon friend. How Al-Anon Works 53–54
The person to confide in needs to be chosen with care. Experience has shown it is best not to select our spouse, partner, a family member, or the alcoholic. They are too close to us or too involved with the events we will discuss. We do not want to choose anyone who might be wounded by our version of events. We need someone who is not involved with our individual situation, who can keep a confidence and listen with empathy. We seek someone who will not criticise us, but who will be able to suggest to us any obvious omissions or give us insight into how the nature of our wrongs has affected us. Paths to Recovery 54–5
In choosing another person to confide in we make sure that they are experienced, living in emotional and spiritual recovery, and overcoming their own obstacles. S-Anon Twelve Steps 52
After we decided on a person, it took great courage to begin our disclosure. S-Anon Twelve Steps 52
Feedback
We try to keep an open mind to hear what the other person may choose to offer in response. Many of us find that our Higher Power can speak to us through others, and this is a prime opportunity for such communication. How Al-Anon Works 54
We may ask them to help us see patterns in our behaviour. Paths to Recovery 55
It became my first experience with unconditional love. Paths to Recovery 57
I found out the things I thought were so horrible about myself were not as gigantic as I thought. Frequently the other person said, ‘Yes, I did that too,’ or ‘I remember when I felt that way.’ Paths to Recovery 61
Dark crannies of the past
It’s a great relief to bring long-hidden thoughts to the light of day, knowing that we are taking a positive step forwards with the intention of leaving old behaviours behind. Discovering Choices 169
Step Five allowed me to step out of denial and move forward with my life, no longer hiding in the darkness. It provided the initial action that brought me to a more intimate, honest, and real relationship with everyone in my life—including myself. Discovering Choices 181
Not only does Step Five help us to learn that what we have done isn’t so terrible or so irredeemable, but also that there are people who will love us unconditionally, even if they know the very worst about us. How Al-Anon Works
We sometimes hear in Al-Anon meetings that we are only as sick as our secrets. What goes on in alcoholic homes is often kept very private; many of us have been taught not to air our dirty laundry in public. In Step Five we begin to unburden ourselves of our secrets. Paths to Recovery 53
My upbringing told me not to let others know about me or they might not like me. Yet Step Five asked me to do just that. Paths to Recovery 60
Our fear of not being loved for who we really are dissolves, and we feel genuine acceptance from others. S-Anon Twelve Steps 52
When I opened the door of a closet, if there was a very scary thing with big eyes in the back in the dark, I could slam the door closed. Deep down I knew whatever was there would still be there. My fear continued to grow. Finally, when I gathered my courage and opened the closet door, I could stick a broom inside and quickly knock the monster out of the closet. When I saw it in the light, I realised it was just an old dusty mop with two big buttons lying on top … It no longer frightens me. Paths to Recovery 61
Trust
Admitting to God, and to ourselves is not enough; we must break our isolation and share our faults with another human being. This, too, can be difficult, since many of us had criticism and blame heaped upon us if we admitted a mistake. Admitting our faults to another person may seem like asking to be rejected. To admit our darkest secrets to anyone requires us to trust another person and to trust our own value as a human being. Learning to trust is an essential tool of recovery that brings with it relief and serenity. Paths to Recovery 54
Finally it seems that genuine humility cannot be reached without admitting our character defects to another human being. S-Anon Twelve Steps 52My Fifth Step … was the most cathartic, the most cleansing experience I had ever had in my life. How Al-Anon Works 313
When we take Step Five and share what we have learned with another person as well as with our Higher Power, we demonstrate a willingness to change. In All Our Affairs 119
Step Five gives us permission to talk about things in a healthier manner, rather than make ourselves martyrs to anyone who comes along. Paths to Recovery 53
The defences we learned served us well in alcoholic and other unhealthy situations, but now they keep us from living happily and serenely. We can acknowledge these defences without condemning ourselves for using them. Paths to Recovery 56
For the first time that I could remember, I felt I was truly a human being. It took my Fifth Step to really show me I was not from another planet, but someone who belongs on Earth, at one with humanity. If I had not risked admitting my characteristics to another human being, I would not have healed an important part of my life—my relationship to other people. From Survival to Recovery 193
I prayed for willingness to do my Fifth Step. Reflections of Hope 153
Admitted
Admitting my faults to myself, to God, and another human being, as suggested by the Fifth of the Twelve Steps, will give me a glimpse of the wonderful person I could be. ODAT 101
We acknowledge our faults in order to bring energy and commitment to our resolve to change our lives for the better. Discovering Choices 169
First, we admit what we have learned to the God of our understanding. The purpose of this admission is to ‘come clean’ before God, to allow ourselves to be exactly who we are within this vitally important spiritual relationship. How Al-Anon Works 53
Admitting these things to G-d was also the beginning of receiving forgiveness and the ability to forgive others. S-Anon Twelve Steps 51
Sharing my inventory with my sponsor in the Fifth Step gave me the opportunity to admit my faults and allow another person to see me as I really am. Reflections of Hope 150
Exact nature
We try to identify ‘the exact nature of our wrongs’, the motives or patterns behind these shortcomings, recognising that many of our past errors were merely symptoms of an underlying problem or weakness of character. How Al-Anon Works 54
At first, we were tempted to think the sexaholic had all the character defects in the family, but, as we opened our hearts to our Higher Power, we began to see we could not continue to justify our hostile feelings about ourselves and others. S-Anon Twelve Steps 51
Blame
Step Five sharpens our focus on ourselves. We put aside the illusion that we have done no wrong. We recognise that we’ve played a role in creating our current life situation. We let go of blaming the alcoholic for all of our troubles. We cease to be a victim of life when we begin to take responsibility for what we have done and admit to ourselves ‘the exact nature of our wrongs’. Discovering Choices 169
We take responsibility for ourselves. We avoid the temptation to justify our behaviours and attitudes, blame others, or excuse our past wrongs. How Al-Anon Works 53
We may be tempted to condemn ourselves for the difficulties we have caused. It is important to remember to love ourselves unconditionally, just as our Higher Power does. Paths to Recovery 54
Fearlessness
We fear that our wrongs are worse than anyone else’s and that we would be humiliated if we ever admitted them to another human being … But if we can summon the courage to challenge these fears and can go ahead and take Step Five in spite of them, we take a huge stride toward personal freedom. How Al-Anon Works 53
It was one thing to get the courage needed to list our deeds and misdeeds, our fears and resentments, on a piece of paper; quite another to reveal them to another person. Paths to Recovery 53
We may be filled with anxiety and fear as we approach this task, but we have faith that it is necessary for our recovery. Paths to Recovery 54
We were afraid of what we would find, afraid that shedding light on ourselves would uncover so many shortcomings that we could not bear the truth about ourselves. S-Anon Twelve Steps 47
Sin/guilt
Most of us are astonished to discover that we are the only ones who judge ourselves and our wrongs harshly. How Al-Anon Works 53
What I learned from the Fifth Step is that the shame and judgement that had hampered me for so many years were not necessarily part of life, but acceptance and accountability were. How Al-Anon Works 313
In my Fifth Step I was able to admit the shame I felt about my family life and how my current relationships have been affected. Reflections of Hope 232
Honesty
This self-honesty (Step Four) prepared me to become honest with my Higher Power and another human being. How Al-Anon Works 209
It (Step Five) was the first time I had ever been really honest with myself. How Al-Anon Works 313
I need the courage to complete the Step by confiding my faults to another trusted human being. Such acknowledgment requires both humility and honesty. ODAT 171
Step Five requires honesty with ourselves and others. Paths to Recovery 53
I had spent a lifetime concealing my behaviour … I had to take a quantum leap into adulthood by moving beyond a child-victim role that I had played for so long. Paths to Recovery 59
It is vital to be as honest as we can through all stages of Step Five. Asking our Higher Power for help before we begin to share may be helpful. Paths to Recovery 55
It is hard to look at ourselves and admit we are often wrong. S-Anon Twelve Steps 52
By sharing my Fifth Step with my sponsor, I was able to finally be freed from the lies. It was painful to admit the truth about my behaviour of minimising and denying the sexaholic’s behaviour. Reflections of Hope 65
As I connected at deeper levels, with my Higher Powers love for me, I feel a greater ability to be honest. Reflections of Hope 150
Who to share with
It is helpful to have a sponsor or a close friend who will be supportive and respect the confidentiality of what we say without being judgemental. Discovering Choices 169
It’s important to choose someone who understands this Step, someone who is supportive, loving, and compassionate and who will listen without judging or condemning … Many of us work this Step with our Sponsor or another trusted Al-Anon friend. How Al-Anon Works 53–54
The person to confide in needs to be chosen with care. Experience has shown it is best not to select our spouse, partner, a family member, or the alcoholic. They are too close to us or too involved with the events we will discuss. We do not want to choose anyone who might be wounded by our version of events. We need someone who is not involved with our individual situation, who can keep a confidence and listen with empathy. We seek someone who will not criticise us, but who will be able to suggest to us any obvious omissions or give us insight into how the nature of our wrongs has affected us. Paths to Recovery 54–5
In choosing another person to confide in we make sure that they are experienced, living in emotional and spiritual recovery, and overcoming their own obstacles. S-Anon Twelve Steps 52
After we decided on a person, it took great courage to begin our disclosure. S-Anon Twelve Steps 52
Feedback
We try to keep an open mind to hear what the other person may choose to offer in response. Many of us find that our Higher Power can speak to us through others, and this is a prime opportunity for such communication. How Al-Anon Works 54
We may ask them to help us see patterns in our behaviour. Paths to Recovery 55
It became my first experience with unconditional love. Paths to Recovery 57
I found out the things I thought were so horrible about myself were not as gigantic as I thought. Frequently the other person said, ‘Yes, I did that too,’ or ‘I remember when I felt that way.’ Paths to Recovery 61
Dark crannies of the past
It’s a great relief to bring long-hidden thoughts to the light of day, knowing that we are taking a positive step forwards with the intention of leaving old behaviours behind. Discovering Choices 169
Step Five allowed me to step out of denial and move forward with my life, no longer hiding in the darkness. It provided the initial action that brought me to a more intimate, honest, and real relationship with everyone in my life—including myself. Discovering Choices 181
Not only does Step Five help us to learn that what we have done isn’t so terrible or so irredeemable, but also that there are people who will love us unconditionally, even if they know the very worst about us. How Al-Anon Works
We sometimes hear in Al-Anon meetings that we are only as sick as our secrets. What goes on in alcoholic homes is often kept very private; many of us have been taught not to air our dirty laundry in public. In Step Five we begin to unburden ourselves of our secrets. Paths to Recovery 53
My upbringing told me not to let others know about me or they might not like me. Yet Step Five asked me to do just that. Paths to Recovery 60
Our fear of not being loved for who we really are dissolves, and we feel genuine acceptance from others. S-Anon Twelve Steps 52
When I opened the door of a closet, if there was a very scary thing with big eyes in the back in the dark, I could slam the door closed. Deep down I knew whatever was there would still be there. My fear continued to grow. Finally, when I gathered my courage and opened the closet door, I could stick a broom inside and quickly knock the monster out of the closet. When I saw it in the light, I realised it was just an old dusty mop with two big buttons lying on top … It no longer frightens me. Paths to Recovery 61
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