Made a list
In Step Eight, I returned to my Fourth Step inventory and listed the people I had harmed, whether intentionally or unintentionally. … In All Our Affairs 191
We were so focused on others that we missed the fact that our own behaviour has not always been so wonderful … we hurt those around us. How Al-Anon Works 57
Others of us carry an unwarranted burden of responsibility, believing ourselves to be the source of most of the pain and suffering in our lives and of those around us. We feel that we have harmed everyone with whom we have come in contact. How Al-Anon Works 57
Our job is to concentrate on our part in our conflicts with others and what we have done to cause harm. How Al-Anon Works 58
With this Step we sort out our part, taking responsibility for our actions but also releasing ourselves—and possibly others—from the burden of falsely-held responsibilities. … In All Our Affairs 186
We found that, in order to go on with our spiritual journey, we had to look back to the wreckage we had left behind and be accountable to the people we had affected. S-Anon Twelve Steps 85
The time has come now to own our character defects and take responsibility for the choices we made. S-Anon Twelve Steps 85
We limited ourselves to listing only those people we had harmed, forgiving those who had harmed us. S-Anon Twelve Steps 87
Was our behaviour towards the sexaholic really above reproach, or do we have some amends to make for rage-filled attitudes, words, or behaviour? Reflections of Hope 279
Looking at our Fourth Step inventory provides us with a base to build on. Paths to Recovery 81
Some of us start our list with anyone about whom we still feel any discomfort. With the help of our sponsor, another programme friend, or by writing, we examine the list carefully. Some names are obvious; we know we have done something we feel badly or guilty about. Others require us to search carefully for the reasons we feel discomfort. Paths to Recovery 81
Willingness
I heard in an Al-Anon meeting that we must pray for the willingness to be willing. … In All Our Affairs 202
We face the task of becoming willing to make amends … We needn’t concern ourselves with the form of our amends will take at this point—that comes in Step Nine. For now, our only concern is finding the willingness to do what is necessary to right past wrongs. How Al-Anon Works 58
Most of us find ourselves gradually becoming willing to make even those inconceivable amends, because we learn that we owe it to ourselves to do so. How Al-Anon Works 58
I prayerfully consider if there are more things I need to be willing to do in each case. Reflections of Hope 210
When I really started working the programme, the programme started working me. Reflections of Hope 279
That night I started asking my Higher Power to help me become willing, even if it meant I had to let it go. Reflections of Hope 69
After we carefully examine and review our list for thoroughness, we are ready to tackle the second part of Step Eight—becoming willing. Paths to Recovery 82
Some of those we harmed may also have harmed us. Expecting amends from another person only blocks us in our own recovery and keeps us from becoming willing. Paths to Recovery 83
It is very important to use all the tools we have available to us. Paths to Recovery 83
In becoming willing, I needed to think about what I was doing, instead of leaping into action. Paths to Recovery 85
If we suffer from an exaggerated sense of responsibility, our lists become endless. We think we have managed to harm nearly every person in the world we ever touched … Some of us struggle with people who claim we harm them whenever we refuse to rescue them or to live according to their dictates. From Survival to Recovery 204
As we examine those we have harmed, we may find that most of our offending behaviours were ‘sins of omission’ caused by paralysing fear. From Survival to Recovery 205
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