General
By facing the harm we have done and finding the most suitable form of amends for the situation, we can clean up whatever mess we have created and leave the past in the past. How Al-Anon Works 59
If we wish to be free from the terrible, suffocating weight of guilt, we must take whatever action is necessary to make amends for the harm we caused. Only then will we find real relief. How Al-Anon Works 60
We are ready to take responsibility for our past and the hurt we have caused others. S-Anon Twelve Steps 99
We need discernment, good timing, and courage to take this Step, but with G-d’s help and guidance, we will know whom to go to and when to make such amends. S-Anon Twelve Steps 88
S-Anon has taught me that words and actions must match. Reflections of Hope 174
For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the wellbeing of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine. Reflections of Hope 176
Making Amends
We approach one person at a time and one event at a time. … Working through the easier amends helps us build courage for considering the harder ones at a later time. Paths to Recovery 90
In making amends, we may state our errors, our role in the incident, and that we will correct our behaviour for the future. We may or may not ask forgiveness, and we may or may not experience a positive response. … If we have any expectations of the response to amends, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Paths to Recovery 90–91
When the other person resists our amends, we have to continue doing our part and detach with love. Paths to Recovery 91
If I have deprived anyone of any material thing, I will acknowledge the debt and pay it in full. ODAT 175
Going in a forgiving spirit to the person we had harmed and admitting our wrongs with humility. Working the S-Anon Program
It also gave me courage in other areas of my life. Reflections of Hope 88
Was our behaviour towards the sexaholic really above reproach, or do we have some amends to make for rage-filled attitudes, words, or behaviours? Reflections of Hope 279
Amends that aren’t accepted
Even if our amends were not warmly received, our satisfaction and spiritual growth came from acknowledging our wrongs and taking positive action to keep from repeating them. Working the S-Anon Program 27
Direct amends
When direct contact is not feasible, we may use the phone or write a letter. Paths to Recovery 92
Would injure them or others
We want to be careful that we aren’t trying to achieve our personal serenity at the expense of someone else. Reviewing our intended amends with a Sponsor or another Al-Anon friend helps us consider our motivation and the consequences of our intended actions. Paths to Recovery 91
The key is that we do not avoid making amends in order to spare ourselves discomfort—that will only increase our guilt and prevent our healing. Paths to Recovery 91–2
Promises
Step Nine finally freed me from that bondage. … Detachment came when I forgave him and amended my part. He didn’t have to change at all for my freedom to manifest itself. From Survival to Recovery 220
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